All are anonymous, as far as I know.
Critics will scoff: "These
aren't real haiku." We'll retort,
"So? SPAM ain't real meat."
AMSPay aikuhay
Ogicallay Anguagelay:
Igpay Atinlay.
Wrote homework on SPAM
But when I tried to find it
Dog had eaten it
They have no more SPAM
My hands tremble with anger
Clean-up on aisle 5
Using only SPAM
Grandma made some tasty treats.
We set her on fire.
In order for it
To be shaped that way something
Has to extrude it.
I allowed the SPAM
To slide to toilet from can
Saved time and trouble
The Lord is my swine-
herd; I shall not want. He forms
me to fit in tins.
"Life is like a tin
of SPAM: you never know which
pig parts you're getting."
I say "to-may-to"
you say "to-mah-to." I say
"SPAM," you say "pure crap."
A madman, obsessed
by SPAM, screams, "Stop me before
I haiku again."
"A SPAM murder, Holmes?
Whither the murder weapon?"
"Alimentary."
Bite once: it's just lunch
Bite twice: it starts to entice
Bite thrice: paradise
Formless spawn of pork,
Leers with gelatinous gaze,
Taunting my lean soul.
If Hormel branched out
With new meat types, we might see
Spicken, Spish, or Speef.
U.S. Air Force tests
Blasting SPAM at plane windshields
Should have opened can
SPAM spawned a romance
Stared into her eyes, and shared-
One can, and two spoons
They enjoyed the stew
But when offered SPAM ice cream
My dinner guests left.
Grills spew smoke on mall.
D.C. filled with barbecue.
The million-SPAM march.
Economy class.
The entree choice: SPAM or SPAM.
Oh, look! Parachutes!
Boy trapped in ice box
Nothing else inside but SPAM
Boy eats own left foot
Immanuel Kant
tried to justify SPAM in
Critique of Pure Pork.
What meat through yonder
window breaks? It is SPAM, and
Juliet lies hurt.
Knock knock. "Trick or Treat!"
Winking, I said "Here's your `Treet'."
The brats torched my house.
Roseate pork slab
How you quiver on my spork!
Radiant light, gelled.
What a mockery-
Lettuce and fruits surround SPAM.
Why gild the lily?
Spamasaurus Rex
cloned from old loaves' DNA
in Jurassic Pork.
How my hands tremble
Applying a light coat of
SPAM-colored lipstick
you can buy a nice
prostitute in vietnam
for a can of spam
Drunk crippled Ewok,
Dead on sidewalk, piss-drenched fur,
SPAM just out of reach
Consider these two,
SPAM and tofu: both cubes, both
A misery meal.
Turkey-shaped SPAM for
Thanksgiving dinner. None give
thanks but the turkey.
Pepto-Bismol / SPAM
One yin to the other's yang
Pink pursuing pink
U.S. troops arrive,
And with them, M.R.E.'s. Blight
Spreads through Bosnia.
Wist not that a ham
hideth th'immaculate Lamb?
Myst'ry, Thou art "SPAM"!
Three little piggies
Went to market. Chop, chop, chop.
Well, well. I'll be spammed!
Circled by Triscuits
Abbatoir aroma thick
The Pillar of Oink
God said, "SPAM thou art
And to SPAM thou doth return.
(After some grinding.)"
Opening the can
Provides a sense of wonder:
"Who has lost their lunch?"
Not-so-wise Man brings
SPAM. Manger doorknob hits his
Ass on the way out.
Eat or be eaten.
With SPAM, you can never be
sure who is winning.
Stretched stale meniscus
over opened rusted tin,
drummed disgusting din.
SPAMaphobia-
Unreasoning fear of SPAM.
What? Unreasoning?
What is this SPAM loaf?
It is the piece that passeth
All understanding.
Fuchsia and chartreuse
The breakfast of champions
SPAM and Mountain Dew
A la Recherche du
SPAM Perdu: instructions for
Reclaiming spoilt meat.
Jessica Fletcher
Finds body with SPAM beside.
Suicide? Murder?
SPAM, the perfect grub
For soldiers marching to war.
They'll kill for real food.
When you fry a slab
It seems to form a red scab
And grease oozes out.
SPAM SHAM arrested
for "Incitement to Haiku"
and "Contempt of Pork."